Saturday, May 8, 2010
Tip #27 for Lovers and Fighters
This little entry is about trans stuff, but the theme applies across a variety of my experiences.
i talk, albeit short n sweetly (er, not so sweetly actually lol), about fucking. This is not about anyone but me, no judgment about what anyone else needs to do or what they call their own fabulous body. It’s a response to ongoing experiences of the “Approach Trans Folks with Caution”tm phenomenon that’s one result of living in a transphobic, cis-centric society. Because really? That shit is busted!
Let’s get at least one thing straight around here:
don’t put someone else’s body dysphoria on me.
i love my body, love my big fat belly, hair, tits, cunt, dick, chub, all of it. i feel little to no shame about my body, and don’t want lovers who approach me carrying their or someone else’s issues held out like a dandelion parachute ball that i’m supposed to navigate through a windstorm because i happen to be trans. Don’t ask me delicate, meandering questions about my “area” or “torso” or “...here...?”, or if i like my “front hole”, “junk” or (again) “area” touched or want my “dicklet” sucked, because let me tell you: i don’t.
i want you to bite my beartits while fucking my cunt, ok? Yes, i want you to eat my pussy and slobber on my dick. i want to get licked and sucked and fingered and fucked. i don’t want cute names for my body parts, least of all my genitals. i want it hard and mean and preferably while you spit in my face.
None of this means my gender identity is up for scrutiny.
Not everyone who looks the way i do, or who’s gone on some vaguely similar path as me, or hell, any other trans person at all, feels the same way about their body, or wants or responds to the same things, and it pisses me off when folks think we do. i'm only supposed to call my genitals "my dick" and am not supposed to like getting fucked anywhere but maybe my ass on a good day, because people perceive me a certain way. i'm not supposed to call my beartits "tits" at all, and am supposed to feel shame about them, because people perceive me a certain way. i'm supposed to adopt the non-consentual descriptors that others (often non-trans folks who really? need to step the fuck back) insist i should use and feel good about. What's that? Oh right: busted! It makes me feel like there must be something shameful about my body, that the persyn/s i’m with thinks there’s something shameful about it, when i know full well there isn’t.
And that’s so far from hot.
Just ask me what i like, what i want, what feels good, what gets me off. i’ll tell you what my triggers are and if i need you to stop i’m totally able to say so. i don’t fuck unless i’m present, and want the same in lovers. i’ll ask you what you want for your own body, i’ll be present, i’ll slow down when you want, stop when you want, go harder when you want, use the words you want, and i will not put my issues on you. Return the favour and please don’t tiptoe around my body, because i’ve been doing that most of my life.
i don’t want to get hung up. i want to get beat up, fucked up, wrung out and end it all with a sweaty cuddle pile of self-love and copious cupcakes. That is super needed on a planet that says we should be ashamed of our bodies.
But mostly, that shit is hot, which is kind of the point, no?