Saturday, July 18, 2009

My Tranifesto: An Ongoing Self Exam Sans Stirrups

i started this in April, but have been adding to it.

Always more to think about and add...

My Tranifesto: An Ongoing Self Exam Sans Stirrups

1a. i am in love with my cunt. My cunt is the sacred black hole into which all the things that try to assail my heart are turned, spun, chrysalis. My cunt has always been with me, and always will, whether in its current solid form or in brainwaves or memories. My cunt is like none other. My cunt is mine and mine alone. My cunt is powerful, beautiful, unstoppable, and neither rape, nor guilt, nor expectation, nor the state can take that away. i will maintain and celebrate this connection, without shame, without fear, without explanation. i will include in my life only those people who respect this. My cunt-love doesn't take away or minimize you or your identity, your cunt or not-cunt. My cunt-love doesn't have anything to do with you. My cunt-love is between me and my cunt, spun from the silk of my Mother's cunt, and her Mother's cunt, and so on.

1 b. i refuse to use my cunt as a tool of and/or justification for oppression. My cunt has too long been at the shit-end of that stick. My cunt is not a podium from behind which i will allow myself or others to spout hatred.

Specifically, in solidarity with Unconsentually Assigned Male At Birth trans folks:
  • i will not allow myself or others to use my cunt as a tool to oppress UAMAB trans folks.
  • i will not allow the existence or not-existence of an UAMAB trans persyn's cunt to determine whether and to what extent i show her/them respect, solidarity and compassion.
  • i will not demand that UAMAB trans folks' interpretations, experiences or physical embodiments of their cunts match my own. My solidarity will not be based on her/their ability or willingness to conform to mine.
  • i will consistently challenge myself on my assumptions around what it means to me to have been born with a particular kind of cunt, and
  • i will not allow those who would use their cunt against UAMAB trans folks to sway me in this exploration.
  • i will call out those who use the existence or not-existence of a specific kind of cunt to defend their hatred, fear, exclusion, marginalization and oppression of UAMAB trans folks; and refuse to participate in any way in undertakings based in such oppression.
  • i refuse, despite the ongoing invitations, to enjoy "women-only" events; and will scrutinize "women-focused", "women and trans" or "past, present and future women" events until such time it's clear these events and spaces truly honour all women.

2. i am proud of who and what i am. i am Trans.
i have been and am fucking raging. i am tired of bullshit that tries to degrade me, to insult me, to minimize and/or trivialize my pain, to erase and appropriate my history. i will not allow myself to succumb to this violence, this soul-murder. and i won't allow non-Trans people, any of them, to take that and turn it into some Queer Theory bullshit, or into some psychosis, or some thing i'm meant to be ashamed of and / or open up to every fucker who wants a piece.

3. i am proud of my community and will support and protect and struggle alongside my Trans friends, lovers, comrades, acquaintances, strangers, in their own searches and struggles to be proud of their communities. i will challenge myself, expand my brain, my heart, the grasp of my fingers, shut the fuck up, speak out, then shut the fuck up and speak up and shut the fuck up and so on so that i can be a solid member of my Trans communities.

4. i have a right to be in this body, and to use the language i choose to define it. i will consistently challenge myself around the words i choose, i will continue to learn, to listen, to adapt, to honour.

5. i will not allow myself to succumb to the sexist and transphobic bullshit i'm forced to swim in every day. i will call bullshit. every. fucking. time. And because there are times my spirit is broken, or my head is in a fog or my body pain is too much to bear, i will take care of that, and then i'll get back to calling bullshit.

6. i will continue to not poison my Trans body with alcohol, whether attempting to numb the physical and emotional pain in my body, my family, or the universe. i want my cunt to continue to experience life free from numbness. i came out of my Mother's cunt in a bath of numbness, and stayed there for thirty years. i'm done. This isn't easy, it's not without setbacks, challenges, questions, context. But silence & denial = death, and yeah, i'm done with that too.


Knoll said...

Hey there...after you commented on my blog I found this.

Wow, this is really, really powerful. Thanks for sharing this. Love the title and love #4, a lot. I'm seriously going to put it up on the bathroom mirror...or something :)

Would it be okay to put a link to this post on my blog?

romham a bear said...

hey Knoll :) thanks. Please do link to it if youd like :)

vivienne said...

you're amazing my friend.