Monday, April 26, 2010

On the bus yesterday i was verbally harassed/assaulted by two women. In the space of no more than a 10 minute bus ride (during which they were both standing over me) i was called a "faker" (referring to my crutches and how they "just knew" i could actually walk), a "retard", a "fat pig", a "fucking faggot", that i was "obviously inbred", that i "deserved the beating" i had apparently taken (id had all 4 wisdom teeth removed a week or so earlier and was pretty bruised up), and that i was a "disgusting piece of shit" who was a "waste of space". 10 minutes.

The driver said not one single thing during this entire attack. There was a woman and young child sitting across from me, who had apparently been their target before i got on the bus. She looked shaken but together. She told me to let it run off like water on a duck's back. i tried. Two fags sat next to me and started chatting and joking with me and the other target, while these two women continued their assault. It didn't stop the entire trip. Even as these guys tried to joke about it, and the woman with the child told me to let it go and just not respond to them, (both of which is generally surprising--mostly round here? people dont do anything, not in my experience. i've been punched in the head and literally kicked in the back down the stairs off of a bus in two separate homophobic attacks, and not one single person said or did anything, and other less physical attacks have taken place where i've just had to sit and deal, no one saying anything) it continued. i sat there, in the gimp seats, stuck. i couldnt leave because the bus was moving and i couldn't get up when the bus was moving.

It was clear the driver wasnt going to do anything. When i asked them to "just please stop" and "i dont know whats going on, but please dont take it out on me, i dont know why youre saying these things to me, please stop" several times, it only made it worse. So while i wanted to be all Mimi Plastique, i just sat there, afraid they were going to get off the bus and fuck with me, and just soaked it in.

i understand rage, i understand pain, and i understand how sometimes it's hard to keep it together. The only explanation i can come up with is that there was something pretty serious going on for them both, and that they had somehow snapped from one end to the other so fast they werent in control of themselves anymore.

But really? Do people honestly think they're the only ones hurting?

We're not.

Sometimes being a queer, fat, disabled trans gimp busrider in this town sucks. For real.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This made me so sad. I cried. Bullies see the world in terms of victims and other bullies, and as you said, most are victims themselves. I am so sorry any on those things happened to you, and that this in particular happened. Just terrible. I'm glad the mom kept acknowledging you.