"I began what was supposed to be my three week “Service Dog Boot Camp” with Arizona Goldens, LLC. Unfortunately, less than six days into it, Arizona Goldens abruptly terminated my boot camp. It’s all over. This was entirely their decision and I do not agree with it.
I do not get my service dog and Arizona Goldens will be keeping the entire $20,990 that all you wonderful people gave to them for the specific purpose of providing me with a suitable service dog."
This is an absolutely outrageous (though likely not a singular) travesty and i believe a blatant abuse of the trust and hard work and money that Amber and friends and family put into this. Please, watch the video, go to the website and learn more, and pass it along. This should never happen to anyone again!
I conducted this audit on June 1st, 2011, to benefit the All-Genders Wellness Centre All-Genders Wellness Centre, YouthCO, and others who use the space.
The space is located in the heart of downtown "Vancouver", and is easily accessed by many wheelchair accessible buses, as well as skytrain.
Overall, YouthCo and the All Genders Wellness Centre will be accessible to many folks with varying accessibility needs.
There is elevator access, a wheelchair accessible, gender neutral washroom, a variety of sturdy seating, and options for moving things around a bit to accommodate particular needs as they arise. It is spacious, inviting, and staff are open to dialogue about making the space even more accessible.
A few things need tweaking, like lowering the sharps container and mirror in the WC access bathroom, letting folks know that different rooms can be used to accommodate larger scooters, for example, creating more standard signage, and clarifying the sign language interpretation capabilities, for example. Creating a scent-reduced policy for certain events like the All Genders Wellness Centre would definitely be advisable. As well, increasing resources available for trans women will create an environment for the Wellness Centre which includes more of our communities.
If would like to contact me with any questions, comments, concerns, or additional feedback on the space, please e-mail me at: rampvancouver@gmail.com
Please consider passing along this information, on YouthCO, The All-Genders Wellness Centre, and the accessibilities audit. The more folks who can access these essential resources, the better!
YouthCO was founded in 1994, and "is Canada's first youth-driven organization leading the HIV and HepC movement through peer education, support, and shared leadership. We provide peer-led prevention education programs in highschools, post secondary institutions, youth detention centres, drop-in facilities, Aboriginal communities, and at community events. In our engaging and participatory workshops, our facilitators lead discussions about HIV/AIDS, Hep C, safer sex, self-esteem, durg use, risk reduction, and healthy relationships. YouthCO is a community of young people supporting each other in our efforts to prevent HIV and Hep C.
Our peer-support services for youth impacted by HIV and Hep C include a non-judgemental and confidential drop-in space, meal programs, computer access, dinners & retreats, mentorship and skills building opportunities, clinic accompaniments, advocacy, and street outreach. We see positive and often transformative changes occur in the lives of many of the youth who access these services."
The All-Genders Wellness Centre "aims to provide low-barrier wellness services to transgender and gender non-conforming people in a way that is respectful and celebratory of clients’ identity and self-expression. Our centre is volunteer run, and all of our practitioners are volunteering their time, so that we can offer free services to people who need them, regardless of factors like citizenship, health insurance, or residential address."
"A quadriplegic panhandler arrested during the G20 summit last summer was “dragged” from his wheelchair, thrown into a police cruiser and left on the floor of the Eastern Ave. jail, where he defecated on himself because guards refused to help him, according to a human rights claim filed Friday.
Gabriel Jacobs, 47, was released without charge before dawn on Monday, June 28, after spending two nights in the temporary G20 detention centre. His motorized wheelchair was returned to him after his roughly 30-hour detention; no other mobility support was provided inside the jail, according to the claim."
Now, you may not know or experience this, but being a gimp, i'm in many ways expected not to be so into sex or considered sexy because gimps are so often de-sexualized [unless we're being hypersexualized, which happens too. And a bunch of other things collide when it comes to sex, some of which i wrote about then erased because i can't quite figure out how to tie it all together... perhaps another post.] i'm expected to be grateful when sex appears in my life (because who would want to have sex with a gimp?) i'm often expected to say "yes" (because gimps can't be choosy, you know!) im expected to respond to able-bodied assumptions about my body, to weather able-bodied judgement about the kinds of sex i have and what value it has (because able-bodied folks are the default for every fucking thing). People look at me and imagine (and yes, sometimes actually verbalize to me and/or others) that i couldn't possibly have great sex, because they're using able-bodied frameworks to judge it, frameworks which specifically devalue/ignore gimp sex.
And why wouldn't they? Almost every single representation of sex out there is between presumed able-bodied folks. Even most few and far between representations of [people who are perceived by sighted folks as] disabled folks having sex make sure to cut out assistive devices, downplay the importance or impact of the disabilities in the lives of the folks involved, certainly don't talk about the details, or focus only on "overcoming" the disabilities.
This is not the framework in which i want to experience sex. This is not the framework in which i seek connection. And this is not my reality.
i love sex, i love play. i love everything about it. i love the dirt, sweat, complexity, movement, tears, familiarity, sounds, stains, simplicity, cramps, awkwardness, abrasions, injuries, newness, i even love the minefield. i do. i love how deeply it challenges me, how it exposes all my doors, flings open moments (sometimes lifetimes) of hurt and twirls them into fine silk for resting our weary heads and hearts. i love it. i love how it reminds me that i am here, now, sharing this body with others, being vulnerable, open, hot and curious, together, knowing something incredibly deep about each other, even if only for that moment. i love knowing that the people i'm with now truly perceive me, really get me. i love opening myself up to someone/s, pouring myself out onto their hands, curling up with them and making out like it's going out of style, fucking anywhere, getting my kink on, getting shitkicked, and being totally present for every part of it. When i'm having sex, i have experiences i've never had before, i'm in an energy feedback loop, and can do things i couldn't otherwise do. When i'm fucking, the sweat, the cum, the cramps and rest stops all make up this swirl of emotion and lust and gorgeousness, and it feels so fricken incredibly mindblowing, connected, sweet, dirty as fuck, liberating, confusing, regenerative, so many things. And it breaks my heart sometimes.
Does that sound like someone who needs able-bodied permission or direction to fuck with abandon?
No? That's because it's not. While i do have to navigate a seemingly endless sea of ableism and ableist assumptions when it comes to sex, i have sex on my own terms. It's not all magical rainbow-farting ponies and butterflies, and i'm ok with that. It's complicated sometimes, y'know? And i'm ok with that too. Everything's complicated, yeah? But better to be complicated than erased.
thought i'd already linked to this, but nope! so here you go:
So i want to share an experience with you. One that shows me a real contrast between a mostly heterosexual event and the experiences i've had at most queer events, and how interesting it is to me to come to realizations about that in the context of being a queer gimp. Bear with a bear!
So, 4 years ago, at 35 years of age, i went to my first rave. They were never really on my radar, certainly not enough to go to one, but some friends who were very experienced with it invited me, so i felt safe going to my first one with them, and went for it. i went to another this weekend.
The rave was interesting. i certainly danced for many hours, which was just as shocking as it was the first time. The only thing that seems out of sorts is my left upper back that hurts like fuck, and that's i think because my crutches were at different lengths (gah!!! i really need to be more on top of that); but otherwise, excellent. i might talk more about the physical stuff in another post sometime, but for now i want to share something else.
One thing i find very interesting about the 2 raves i've been to, is that many people - about 80% of the time folks presenting as dudes - will come up to me and, in a totally non-condescending manner, tell me things like "i love that you're here", "i love what you're doing", "you're beautiful, man[sic]", "it's so good to see you here", and so on and so forth, shake my hand, pat on the back, "fist bump"(???), sometimes a lingering something else. Sometimes it felt kind of weird, like, where is this coming from? But anyways, interesting.
Now, don't get me wrong, i know clearly that there's the subtext of "you're disabled, and isn't it inspiring that you're here at this rave dancing!", otherwise, why would they come up and say such things when they're clearly(?) not doing that with others? But i gotta say, even for me, someone who is exceedingly sensitive to those kinds of vibes, it's never once felt like that, or felt like, yeah, i was totally just being condescended to, not fucked up at all. It's just interesting to me, and not something i'd ever experienced before.
Those folks are totally just there for the music, the experience, and the people who've said anything to me seem to recognize me as someone who is also totally there for the music, the experience, and that i've (i suppose clearly due to having a disability that sighted folks can perceive?) "overcome" some kind of actually really intense societal pressure to stay at home instead of feeling it, but the music was that important to me that i just did it.
And believe me, i have overcome that when i've gone to them. i was so worried the first time i went, like really worried. i thought people would gawk at me, make me feel like shit, thought *i* would make me feel like shit, thought i couldn't dance in ways that would be ok, thought i wouldn't be safe, physically or emotionally. Add to that being "too old", "too uncool", "too queer", with way "too big" tits, etc, and this was a perfect storm for me limping out of there like some no-one-will-dance-with-me-even-at-the-end-of-the-sock-hop tearjerker. Everything about it told me that i shouldn't go, but i was finally like "Fuck this shit. i'm going. And people can shut the fuck up, and i can leave if i need to".
But it was actually amazing. And i think it was amazing, in part, because (even though it felt really awkward at times, and even though some gimps would cut someone for saying those things) people were so fucking honest. Probably E has something to do with it lol. But i don't think that's all it is. i don't know how much was about some sort of "male[sic] bonding" or male[sic] privilege", i'm sure there are aspects of that. i think mostly they were expressing a sincere appreciation for someone coming out, despite whatever shit is going on, because of a deep love for the music, and that's something i can really understand on many levels. And not something i've ever experienced ANYWHERE.
People were also super respectful in their behaviour in terms of the space i needed to dance safely. People weren't slamming into me, elbowing me, pushing me, they could tell i was using the speakers as some support, they moved when i needed them to, there was a sort of dance that happened when folks needed by, that felt like it was about taking care, not being afraid to touch me, and i really super appreciated that.
Compare and contrast that with most times i've gone out to dance (or anywhere for that matter, but particularly dancing) in supposedly queer spaces? Not so cool. People do gawk, or they condescend flat out, or they run into me over and over and over again, even when i ask them not to, or they make like i don't. even. exist. Especially when i'm alone at an event or away from my friends (and i'm often away from folks because i usually need a wall to be against, need space for stability, need to take a breather and sit for awhile, etc). It's pretty overwhelming, and feels that much worse because i feel like as a queer i should be ok there, it should be better. But no. [And if anyone feels compelled in this moment to say something like "well, but if they knew you were queer (they did), or if they knew you were trans (they probably didnt), they'd be mean to you and that wouldnt happen in a queer space!" or "Well a least you wouldnt get queerbashed in a queer place" (not true) or "Well, being condescended to as a gimp is better than getting queerbashed" (also not true, and diminishes the very real experience of gimpbashing. Believe me. It hurts just as much.) please don't. It hurts me to go into queer spaces (when im actually able to access them that is) and be treated in ableist ways.]
It's just bizarre that it should feel so ok* in one space i wasn't expecting to, and not ok in another i really do expect to. But there it is. Stranger things have happened, and while i'm not going to make a regular habit of attending raves, i gotta say i was mightily impressed.
*And i also want to acknowledge that this is just one gimp's experience. If i was someone else, a different kind of gimp, i could have an entirely different experience, and all of this would be for naught. It's always contextual.
i'd like to talk about something that i think has been percolating some time, something i'm going to call: "Ally* Fatigue".
What is this, you ask? i think it's this: folks who want to be in alliance with disabled folks (or any marginalized group of folks for sure, but im gonna keep it as focused as i can here) get down, overwhelmed, tired, of dealing with the constant realities of being "an ally" to disabled folks.
It makes sense to me, especially if you happen to be lucky enough to have a few outspoken gimps in yer life!
Some people want to acknowledge their support, love, respect and willingness to work in solidarity with people with disabilities, have lived with a disabled person/s forever, or are thrown into it when a lover, friend, family member becomes disabled, and so involve themselves to varying degrees in the issues being put forward by those disabled folks. Sometimes it can be as simple as reading posts we make about the issues, talking one on one, or it can be engaging in legal battles, marches, personal care, collaborative work, you name it; friendships, sexual relationships, families, workmates, whatever the relationship, there are ties that draw us to one another, and at some point we [hopefully!] recognize that we want each other to be happy and respected and not treated like trash, so we [hopefully!] work together on making that happen.
One thing i've noticed over the years of being around all the amazing non-disabled folks i've had the chance to hang with, is that sometimes it gets overwhelming for them, this "ally" thing. People get tired of hearing about the issues. They get saddened by it, and people usually want to avoid feeling sad. They also sometimes feel guilty about it, and their place in the over-arching systems of ableist oppression in which we live and they participate and benefit from. And people definitely try to avoid feeling guilty. i get that. i lolled around in guilt a long time without doing anything useful with it. i get it.
The problem is that, rather than use that guilt on a regular basis as a tool to turn into positive action and change, too many folks use it to defend stepping back from actual solidarity and alliance that has real meaning, and sometimes turn it into snarking about how mouthy or demanding or "unfair" gimps are being when we talk about this stuff.
So i'll use my mouthy self as an example. i've been writing about and otherwise sharing my perspectives on disability since the 90's, and especially so in the last decade or so. In that time, i've witnessed a lot of shit. i've watched well-meaning non-disabled folks freak out, break down, revise history, backpedal, and otherwise lose their shit when confronted with the sheer depth and breadth of this stuff. Some of them have yelled at me, chastised me, and "de-friended" (lol) me in various ways, because they couldn't cope. It's quite true that i've had a... shall we say... speckled history regarding how i talk about this stuff lol. We all come at it differently, and my particular perspectives (which also include anti-capitalist, anti-oppression stances on the anarchist end of things... which is particuarly tricky sometimes) can be hard to swallow, because they encompass more than simply talking about access, but actually doing soemthing about it (which can often be really fricken inconvenient for even the most well-intended ENabled person!), and are definitely not about placating ableism or well-meaning cluelessness. [You know, because people with disabilities are truly a diverse group, with equally diverse political viewpoints! Just like non-disabled folks!] But i keep talking about it, because it keeps informing my life, and i need the folks in my life to be on side with this, to the varying degrees they're able, or at least to not get in my and other disabled folks' way while we do it ourselves.
So i've seen variously able-bodied folks come and go in these discussions, these movements. And i want to acknowledge that it can be overwhelming, draining, saddening stuff; and that the sometimes difficult, personally and politically challenging conversations are a part of that.
But let me be entirely clear: those difficult conversations are NOT the reason able-bodied folks remove themselves from alliance with gimps. It is not the fault of gimps that non-gimps leave. And those conversations are not the reason for "Ally Fatigue"
The reason, quite simply, is ableism and access to able-bodied, ENabled privileges.
It truly is that simple, and yet it means there's even more work to do. If it was only about the "tone" of our dialogue, things would have changed a long time ago. If it was only about gimps being "nicer" or "fairer" or "more educational" or "less confrontational" etc [ever wonder why so many of us are pissed off instead of calling us out for it?], about how we talk about it, things would've changed dramatically ages ago. But it's not. It's about an entire system of oppression, and all the little ins and outs and difficulties and bullshit that brings.
So when recognizing you are tired, overwhelmed, sick of hearing about it, check yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself for sure, but please don't take it out on gimps. Some tips:
If you ever hear yourself saying any version of "if disabled people would just _________, i would be more inclined to support them!", please remember where that comes from, how you are able to access that level of control: able bodied, or ENabled, privilege.
Take a break, come back when you can let this stuff go, and continue working together. You're super lucky to be able to walk away, because we can't. Don't abuse it.
Allow us to have the spaces we need to be with each other [i.e. don't complain about how gimps are oppressing you by having caucus space etc]. It is so rare to have spaces where gimps can come together, you getting your knickers in a knot about it doesn't help. How about yuo offer resources on spaces instead?
keep chill when a gimp in your life calls you on some ENabled shit [see it as the gift it is]. No really. You're lucky this person is taking the time out of their day, out of all the many opportunities for educating that have probably already happened that day, that you are the one we're talking with. It means we give a fuck that you understand how you've hurt us, and that means something.
certainly don't allow yourself to be abused, but do learn to differentiate between what it means to be schooled on ableism as opposed to being abused. Being uncomfortable or embarrassed is not abuse. It's growth.
continue to learn on your own [reading, conversation, however you do it, and don't expect gimps to answer all your questions, and don't get pissed when we soemtimes don't want to talk with you about it]. Many of us make a habit of talking about this stuff, sharing our experiences, opening ourselves up. That doesn't mean you have free-reign on our time. Don't take it for granted, and don't insist that the conversations happen on your schedule and with your rules in place.
do learn more about what ableism is and how you actually do participate in it [no matter how many disabled friends you have]. It makes a difference when you come to me with a little understanding, that you've taken the time to learn some stuff, that you are invested in the conversations.
remember that you do have power to change things both personally and politically, if you choose to use it. If enough people get together on something, pretty well anything can change. Don't underestimate your power, and don't underestimate the amouint of influence you have in your communities as an ENabled person.
don't get in the way of gimps trying to live our lives as we choose. Really. Don't do it. If you've nothing useful to add, don't add.
don't think for a minute that you know what's best for us. You don't.
don't speak for us unless we ask you to.
bein in alliance with folks is fucking gnarly sometimes. It just is. It isn't all rainbows and kittens and brownie points. It's hard, challenging shit. It's sometimes the kind of thing that kicks you right in the ass, forces you to confront some pretty nasty things about yourself. It's about being honest. And you need to be able to do all of that to even begin to call yourself "in alliance" with me.
There are many more things, but you get the idea. Basically? Take responsibility for your own shit, apply to gimps the same or similar expectation of understanding or solidarity you would want for yourself. If you're queer and have ever been angry about the shit you face, apply that here. If you're trans and have ever been disheartened and frustrated by the shitty treatment you receive, use that understanding here. If you're fat and are sick and fucking tired of having to explain to people why you need spaces that accommodate and celebrate your body, apply that here. If you have ever sought a heart space with someone, ever wished for more kindness, more understanding, ever wishe=d that more of the folks who do not share an experience you live, apply that here.
Look, we are all angry, pissed, tired, raging, for one reason or another. We are also all celebrating, cooperating, changing the shit out of our conditions in this world. Recognize that there is so much you don't know as an ENabled person, be more forgiving when gimps want to talk about our experience. Or scream about it. Or just cry it the fuck out. Because that openness, that forgiveness, that willingness to help us hold (and access!) space or stay the fuck out of it is a huge part of what is going to get us better, to heal and release all of us from this fucked up ableist system. For my part, i offer you all of those things as often as i can in return.
In love and solidarity, through even [and especially] the rough shit,
me.
*i'm not going to go into my thoughts about people identifying themselves as allies here, as i've already gone off about it elsewhere lol. Perhaps another post is in order!
So, i don't know if you experience this, but ableism and inaccessibilities are sort of background noise for me: there all the time, always informing me, always on my mind, always impacting my life; and then there are occasions when it really flares up, then returns to background noise. This week has been like that.
Several incidents of dealing with queer, trans, feminist groups and events that are totally inaccessible when i expected something else (sometimes because i'd been told they'd be different) and other incidents where claims of things being inclusive of "all bodies" falling way short of the mark.
i often find it hard (scary, saddening, vulnerable, exposing, frustrating, useless) to talk about the ableism and inaccessibilities of my communities, and a large part of that difficulty has to do with the defensiveness, no matter how i and others approach the topic. The defensiveness that assumes that being told your event is inaccessible and that that's not ok and how can we change it is somehow oppressive or mean or uncalled for. The defensiveness that says "instead of 'just complaining', why dont you DO something??!!". The defensiveness that says "why even bother? Someone will always complain!" The defensiveness that assumes i'm even talking about just your event when talking about this stuff, instead of a whole mess of incidents that week. The defensiveness that pulls out all the reasons why it's acceptable to hold inaccessible events yet say we're "all" welcome. The defensiveness of the ENabled.
People often say "maybe if people talked about their concerns more nicely/ less angrily/ etc then we would listen and things would change?"*. i cant even tell you how many times i've heard this. It's called tone policing, and communities all over have called it out for what it is: a derailing tactic**, an attempt to deflect the conversation back onto the person bringing up an issue instead of dealing with it directly and respectfully and effectively. It hasn't changed, it is still the #1 immediate response, no matter how kindly, how sweetly, how carefully the commentary is worded by the huge variety of folks who comment on ableism and inaccessibilities. And we are a hugely diverse group of people who talk about this stuff, with equally diverse methods of addressing it, and yet things so often remain the same. i can't help but imagine that it's about something else, like, i don't know, systematic, community-wide ableism perhaps?
It can only be about something more insidious than a perception of bad manners, when ENabled folks call inaccessibilities "inconvenient", "unfortunate", "regretful" or "oops!". It can only be about something more structural when ENabled folks insist that there must be better ways to deal with it (than how we're talking about it), and that until we find those ways or until we agree that ENabled folks know what's best, shit will stay the same. It must be about more than that when ENabled folks are running the conversation, no?
The thing is? Gimps know. We know what we're talking about. We know what it means, we know what it costs, we know how it happens, we know how to navigate it, and we know how to detect [however well-meaning] bullshit when we encounter it. We know it because we live it, every single day.
We know that inaccessibilities are actually oppressive, not just inconvenient and unfortunate. We know that the language ["you calling me out on this is oppressive/ not ok!"] simply doesn't work in reverse [like, "reverse racism" or "reverse sexism" don't actually exist, for example]; we know that it's not some kind of hardship to have folks come to you and share their experiences and feelings around inaccessibilities, but that it's a gift. And we know that already-fucked-with people dont like to think of ourselves as capable of fucking over others, but we can & do, every day. The point is to be honest about it instead of treating folks as though they dont know wtf is up.
We know what we're talking about when it comes to this, and usually we're not out to fuck you over or shut you down or make you feel bad or defeated [and honestly? if you think YOU feel all those things about this, you truly need to check some privilege. Gimps are at the shit-end of the stick on this one, every single time].
So next time, instead of complaining about how gimps come to you with our concerns, how about you do some work on how you accept those concerns? How about you say "ok, i see what you're saying, can we talk? what can i do? how can we work together to change this? how can we sustain relationships with gimps so it's not this piecemeal haphazzard approach every time, only something we consider when we need you or when you insist on showing up? How can we create real community around this?".
Yeah. That sounds good to me? How about you?
*Here's the deal: When you refuse to participate [meaningfully or at all] in the collective work of creating and maintaining the kinds of relationships with disabled folks that could help ensure ongoing resource and info sharing, connections across differences, and increased community, you don't get to come to us complaining about how you think disabled folks are being "mean" or "unfair" or "angry" or "unreasonable" etc when we point out ableism. If you do the work, while it can be really challenging at times, it also has its benefits.
If it's worth it to you, you'll do it. If it's not, you won't. And we will be right back where we started with each other. And that seems an awful waste of time a energy to me. So let's do the work ok?
** i do have a problem with the "_____ For Dummies" language (specifically regarding the "dummies" part). It's unnecessarily ableist and pisses me off in general, and specifically when dealing with issues around ableism and inaccessibilities i am hesitant to include it. You decide.
Today someone commented how "much harder it is to live with an invisible disability[sic]* than one people can see".
Now, this kind of comment happens pretty regularly. And every time it makes me fucking cringe.
Here's why:
a) The ableist language surrounding "invisible" and "visible" disabilities squicks me. It presumes that the "viewer" is sighted, and that shit is boring and yes, ableist. That's why i use [sic]*, not because i don't think it's "real". And really? If we were coming at things from a non-sighted, from a blind point of view, everyone would have "invisible" disabilities. i happen to live with both so-called "invisible"and "visible" disabilities, and i just want to find more expansive ways of talking about this stuff, ways that do not centre sightedness etc.
b) It's actually not easier. It's not easier to be seen by sighted folks as a gimp, to always be perceived as a gimp, to always have that on you no matter where you go. It's not easier to always be a literal fucking target, to be called really fucked up things because people can perceive you as disabled, and to have all of their shit dumped on you -physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually-- because you are what they perceive to be a problem. It's not easier, believe me. There are a whole host of things that folks with "visible" disabilities have to deal with that folks without generally do not, and there are things folks who don't have "invisible" disabilities don't necessarily deal with. So let's just knock it off with the "you have it easier" bullshit.
c) most importantly, how exactly does this unnecessary, ableist-based hierarchicalization help any of us? i mean how does it help us really? How does it get us closer to getting the services we require? Into the communities we have a right to be in? How does it help us feel welcome and lifted and understood? When disabled folks, however you define that, cut at each other's throats to get to the meager resources out there, to justify ourselves, to find ourselves in community with people, or for any other reason we do this to each other, we do the exact opposite, and we set up a situation where we can't even trust other gimps to do right by us. We set up hierarchies --based in completely ableist traditions-- to keep each other down.
basically, and i think rather predictably, i'm in the camp of "if it's your own experience, you can use it". Though when i do, i'm still mindful about it. i also don't believe there is any "policing" of language going on by disabled folks: we simply don't have that kind of systemic power and influence. But we certainly deal with the fallout when people feel ok using certain language, including the "othering" that happens happens to us, and frankly we already deal with enough of that as it is.
As a gimp, i use that word to describe myself, but if someone i don't know, someone not disabled, started using that word around me or about me? hell yeah id call that shit out. And if i demanded all disabled folks use it to describe themselves? Hell yeah i should get called on that shit.
The author of the original statement seems to think that gimps etc don't already have conversations about language all the time lol. We do, i know i do. And not everything should be a long drawn out "productive or meaningful discussion about the word or words in question". It becomes tiring and useless after a while. Especially when the constant refrain is: "you're policing me!" and "teach me!" and "no matter what, i'm going to keep using this word!". [Allow me to indulge with this little aside: Y'know, i definitely think there is space and time for learning conversations. i mean, how else do we move forward? What i try to do in my own life is build relationships in which we can ask tough questions, acknowledge what we don't know, be embarrassed if we need to, and move forward. Just sometimes? We can't always be doing that. Sometimes, it really hurts, and is so not a learning experience when you're on the receiving end of it. And sadly, so often, folks haven't learned a fucking thing except that they can continue to fuck up and hurt you and nothing will change.]
Because a word is culturally imbedded, doesn't make it open season on it. Using the writer's example (this writer is using this as an example without taking responsibility for it; certainly brought it into the conversation to prove some point), "ni__er" is "culturally embedded", can have "multiple and sometimes contradictory meanings", and "doesn't *automatically* constitute the oppression of anyone".
But if i started using it? i would be prepared to get my shit checked or my face slapped. Yes, context matters, but that doesn't mean that in ANY context that word would be ok for me, a white person, to use. And it's not my place to demand that POC "educate" me on why.
Finally, the writer ultimately blames gimps for our own oppression with
"you participate in a process (again, censorship) that actually threatens to strip even disabled people of the very language we might otherwise use to describe ourselves and speak about our own experiences." and "actually contributes to the systematic silencing (and therefore oppression) of disabled people"
by fundamentally misunderstanding/ misrepresenting the process of reclamation by "othered" groups. This writer is attempting to strip gimps of our agency.
And that sucks, in any context.
Thoughts?
Here's a link to the now-defunct Disabled Feminists site, with various posts talking about ableist (no need for scare quotes!) words:
Following on that last post about Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, here's a link to an article talking about how to go about making your event more accessible for folks.
As someone who deals with some MCS, i can definitely relate, and yet i still struggle with some of it, and don't always get it right. i'm always working on it though, and committed to doing progressively better, learning more, and not fucking over my friends and community in the process. These tips from billie rain are really useful, and i hope you're able to get stuff out of them that help you progress too. <3
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Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (MCS) accessibility basics
when it comes to Multiple Chemical Sensitivities (MCS) accessibility, it really starts at home. there are several levels of making your person accessible, so i’ll give the broad strokes of each.
1. fragrance-free events or activities
it is very important when attending scent-free events to make sure you are not wearing anything that has come in contact with scents or cigarette smoke. some folks set an outfit aside to wear to accessible events. if you do use essential oils, definitely bathe with fragrance-free soap, shampoo etc and refrain from using them until after the event. also refrain from smoking after you have washed, until the event is over.
additionally, make sure your clothes are not dried with dryer sheets, as these are one of the worst chemical offenders. if you use public laundry facilities, it’s also a good idea to air out your clothes for several days before storing them or wearing them around chemically sensitive folks, as they tend to have residue from other people’s stinky laundry.
when i’m going anywhere where i know there is likely to be other chemically-sensitive folks, even if the space is not specifically designated as fragrance-free, i follow fragrance-free protocols.
2. being in community with the chemically sensitive
like some other folks with MCS, i do occasionally use scented products. they are particular to me and i try and restrict my use of them to my home or spaces where they will be completely drowned out by others’ scents (places where i generally need to use my gas mask). like everyone with MCS, my tolerance for scents is particular to me, and even to the brand or batch of the particular product or plant.
i have a small collection of essential oils. i use these medicinally, topically for aches and pains and i smell them for mental health concerns. i no longer wear them as perfumes, as i did before i became educated about MCS accessibility. i keep my oils in a metal box, and the metal box is in a cabinet.
when i meet other folks with chemical sensitivities, i will approach hanging out with them or going anywhere they might be as if i am attending a fragrance-free event and prepare as such. if we end up spending more time together, i usually like to do an audit where we go over the particulars of each others’ products and figure out what the other person is sensitive to.
there are people in my community who are educated about MCS and about my particular accessibility needs. i usually ask that folks who are serious about MCS accessibility consult with these allies if they have questions about anything. people in my various communities often send me emails about how to make their events MCS accessible. unfortunately i’m too sick to answer most of these emails. a lot more needs to be done to promote education about MCS accessibility in seattle (and generally), and unfortunately there is not enough popular education being done. YET!
i also try and make mental notes of anything folks with MCS say in passing about their particular sensitivities, as i know that not everyone is able to be assertive or completely thorough about their air quality needs.
which leads me to my final point about this: most folks with MCS are in a constant struggle to navigate our daily lives. if we are able to go out, we face a continuous barrage of life-threatening chemical exposures. because MCS affects not only our bodies but our cognitive abilities and emotions, we often cannot express or identify that we are being made sick by one particular product someone is using. so if we do take the time to let you know that something you’re doing is making us sick, please respect that and don’t make us tell you twice, or g-d forbid, more than twice. it’s incredibly painful for us to find that people who purport to be our friends or allies, who express the desire to be near us, do not take our basic needs seriously and even cause us harm after we have expressed that there is a problem. if you are struggling with a solution, please let us know so we can help you resolve it, or if that’s not possible, so we can stay a safe distance from you until you get it resolved.
3. friendships and intimate relationships
if you want to hang out with someone who has MCS, that’s great! lots of us do not have many friends we can safely spend time with.
firstly, to reiterate:
when you meet someone with chemical sensitivities, approach hanging out with them or going anywhere they might be as if you are attending a fragrance-free event and prepare as such. if you end up spending more time together, offer to do an audit where they go over the particulars of your products and let you know what they are sensitive to. it is best to send a list of products you use, so they &/or their allies can do research and identify known problems.
spending time with someone with MCS is not something to take on lightly. telling yourself that you’re fine because you think you are is not enough. many people with MCS will not tell you that you’re making us sick, either because we’re too sick or addled to communicate; or we’re overwhelmed because we thought we were going to be safe with you and we’re not; or we’re just too damn tired to talk about it and deal with the possible conflict; or we’ve been socialized or told that asking people to change their lifestyle for us is selfish, rude, demanding, unreasonable or wrong.
this is important. if you want to spend time with someone with MCS you must be willing to humble yourself to our needs, regardless of how that makes you feel. ask us for information and resources and use them. check in with us periodically and ask if anything has come up that we need to tell you about. don’t assume that everything is fine because we are not saying anything. we may be conserving our energy to survive the aftermath of whatever exposures we are getting.
if you feel overwhelmed with the changes you are being asked to make, seek support from folks who understand MCS accessibility &/or support you in pursuing these changes. if you need time to make changes, make sure you do not subject your sick friend to exposures while you are making the transition. believe me when i tell you that i prefer someone staying a distance away from me and telling me they are not fragrance-free/accessible to someone who gives me a hug cuz they’re trying to be fragrance-free and they figure i will tell them if the [blah blah blah] they are still wearing/using is a problem for me.
a last note
it is my belief that MCS accessibility, like all disability accessibility, is a social justice issue. if you decide to join us in the struggle for access, congratulations! you are part of a movement that is slowly gaining momentum and has the potential not only to save our lives but to protect the health and safety of all human beings and the planet. you are participating in a struggle that is part of the larger disability rights movement, and each aspect of this struggle is important and worthy. if you are living with other disabilities, i hope that you are fighting for your own access and we will be building bridges across our differences to increase our viability as a movement.
please feel free to repost this anywhere. thanks!!
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Here are some other resources:
Tips for visiting a person with Chemical Sensitivity
If every queer non-gimp who supports various groups/events/etc which actively or passively exclude queer gimps like me, would simply not allow themselves to use excuses like "i'm speaking for disabled folks who can't be here"* and "i can agitate from the inside"* (all the while attending and promoting the event of course), shit could change, like, rapidly**.
For me, its about a fundamental lack of understanding/ recognizing/ fully respecting disabled people's own voices, our autonomy, whether or not nongimps can understand/ recognize/ appreciate that. It's painful to have something like that said about you, especially when you try best you can to be a solid ally. But believe me, it's infinitely more painful to have it be a truth that personally, directly impacts you on a daily basis. To have it be a truth of how you do or don't get to navigate your communities.
i dont know how it could be more basic:
If all the nongimped queers who go to inaccessible queer nights, as well as the artists/performers/volunteers of those events, would simply not show up, and make statements about why they're not showing up, and also perhaps provide alternative ideas? Can you imagine?
Oh yes, shit would change!
* both have been said to me on multiple occasions by perfectly well-meaning folks
**and i really do have an understanding of how hard it is. It's not this simplistic, but it's a start to think about it, yeah? How do non-gimps help increase the capacity/ likelihood of gimps to participate in communities without taking a paternalistic approach so already widely experienced by gimps? It can be done, it has to be done. There are ways. We can find them if we pay attention and work together. i think one of the first steps is acknowledging where we can't currently participate. Some of those ways are really obvious. We're not even there yet. So let's keep the ball rolling, ok? ok. <3
So i want to talk about permanence, such as it is.
"Permanent", "disabling", "degenerative".
These are some of the words people use to describe my condition. (Some others are: "tragic!!!", "such a waste!" and my favourite "it's because you're paying for what you did in a past life!")
Anyways look, i'm a gimp. i've been a gimp a long time, and i will, as it turns out, always be a gimp. There is no cure for what i have, and it's only going to get worse. It's hard to acknowledge that. Like, on a core level, it's hard. The first time i said that out loud to myself i wept to be so fucked with. And in amongst all my gimp pride and solidarity, i still have a good cry about it on occasion. i'm still pissed about it, and it still gets in the way of me doing some things that're good for my body. But there it is: i will always be disabled.
For our purposes today with this brief post, that means that, yes, i will always be bringing up accessibility issues in my communities. So you may as well get a sandwich and a nice cup of tea, put on yer coziest jammies and take a load off, because this shit isn't changing. Just like i've been doing for years: Get used to me asking about it when you organize something. Get used to me providing the info for you when you don't or can't. Get used to me calling you out when you pull some assy move around it. i'm not going anywhere.
i don't have the privilege of not needing to know this stuff. i will always be physically disabled, and that will always be a part of how i navigate my communities. If you and i are fucking, playing, loving up all over each other, roomates, teammates, volunteer together, enjoy going for a coffee to shoot the shit, deep longterm friends or new found connections, no matter, this will always be a part of it.
And if you're not used to it, don't let it stress you out lol. It doesn't have to be a huge deal for you (because really? it isn't). Just roll with me when i ask for it, just respond with solidarity when i can't, and we'll be cool. If you also deal with this reality in yer life, what does it mean for both of us together? How do we navigate different kinds of permanence in an ultimately impermanent world?
